Tuesday, March 23, 2010

You are always on my mind

The other day Taylar came home with a list of sentence that she had written at school which incorporated her spelling words for the week. I noticed right away that the handwriting was very well done which I was proud of and then that word "diabetes" stuck out like a sore thumb to me. One of her spelling words was "happy". The sentence she wrote was, "There will be a cure for diabetes. I am so happy!" I bet no one else wrote that sentence.
It's times like this that I hate diabetes. I just want it to go away! It is something that invades my thoughts on a minute by minute basis every single day. It is something that I have to consider when making most of my daily family decisions. Although Taylar doesn't complain or talk much about her diabetes in a negative way except for the occasional, "I really don't want to do this", it is sadly always there and always on her mind. I wish I could take it away. It comes out of her in certain ways at random times, like this spelling word sentence. I was happy to see that her teacher drew a little smiley face next to it though. :)

Another example happened last night. It was raining pretty hard and she is the only one with a bedroom upstairs. She sometimes gets woken up from the rain pouring down on the roof which is what happened last night. She came into my room around 3am scared saying she couldn't sleep. I walked her back up after trying to convince her that it's just rain and she'd be fine. She asked me to pray, so I did while sitting on the edge of her bed. In my sleepiness I prayed that the rain would stop soon and that both of us would be able to fall back to sleep until the sun came out. I then asked her if she wanted to pray too and she did. This is what she said, "Dear God, thank you for this night and that I have a Mom, a Dad, and a sister to take care of me and all my diabetes stuff...." I don't know if she said something more after that. I think she did. I totally didn't hear her though because I was trying to figure out what was going on. I thought she was afraid of hearing the rain and couldn't sleep? What did her diabetes have to do with it?

No she doesn't complain about this new way of life but it never leaves her and it's obviously always on her mind. I was so sad when I went back to bed wishing I could take it all away. There are times too when she'll randomly mention some fact about Nick Jonas from the Jonas Brothers, who happens to have type 1 like her. Or the time she told me a boy had school bought and ate not one, but two ice creams at lunch. She was horrified that he would eat that much sugar. I was too, but that's besides the point!

So I don't know what the root of the problem was last night. We are hopefully transitioning to a pump soon instead of injections and a part of those many appointments is meeting with a social worker to discuss the changes that pumping will bring to our lives. I may let our social worker in on a little bit of my concern of Taylar possibly keeping things bottled up inside of her. Maybe she can ask Taylar the right questions in the right way and she'll express some of her true feelings about having diabetes...without me in the room. I think it may be a good outlet for her. Maybe I'll make myself an appointment while I'm at it. Seriously.

Number check: We've only seen the 200s once this past week. I'm so happy about that!

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