Constant Battle

I've pretty much had it with diabetes this week.  Last week we were battling high numbers that were driving me crazy!  As if trying to figure out a reason for the numbers wasn't bad enough, I have to deal with the thoughts of what it does to Taylar's body.  She did get a flu shot which her nurse said could bump her numbers for a couple of days but it went on for a little longer than I was comfortable with so I called the nurse... again.  We changed some basal rates around and adjusted her daytime correction factor.  Bam!  It worked all right.  Too much in fact.  Low, low, low.  Instead of seeing 250 & 300 now we've got a 56, 65, and a wonderful 42.  What the heck!?  That's not to mention two of her morning numbers being 70 and finding a 65 at 2am which scares the you-know-what out of me.  Thank goodness I pulled myself out of bed that night.

Sometimes it seems like we just can't win.  I don't understand how we can go on doing the same things every day but get different results.  She eats basically the same things, at the same times of day, exercises at the same times of day yet with different results every time.  It's enough to drive a person crazy.  We changed some basal rates back to what they were before this latest change so we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Diabetes is SO constant and knowing that it isn't going anywhere, anytime soon can be very overwhelming.  I would love to just forget about it all for a while.  I'd love to forget about carb counting for a day.  I would love to let Taylar's little fingers heal from all those finger pricks too.  With all those lows we had to recheck recently, I looked at her PDM.  In a 24 hour period I counted 14 blood sugar tests.  That's just wrong, poor thing.  I would love to just ask her how her day at school was when she gets off the bus without looking at her to see if she looks pale to me or wondering what her blood sugar is knowing she hasn't tested or eaten since lunch time.  I'd like to just leave the house without asking my famous question, "Do you have the PDM?"  It really is all consuming.  I think about diabetes when I'm with her, when I'm not, when I'm in bed, in my car, out with friends, at the gym... all the time.  I didn't invite this intruder into my daughter's life and here I am catering to its demands.  It is just a constant battle.